The story of my life
by DarkAngelsShadow
Summary: Written in these walls are the stories that I can't explain. I leave my heart open but it stays right here empty for days. He punched another wall. His knuckles working their way through painted off white chipped walls, plaster crumbling to the dust covered wooden floor as he pulls his fist once more from the dark hallway wall.


**_I do not own or make any kind of money or profit from the walking dead or its characters._**

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The story of my life

_Written in these walls are the stories that I can't explain. I leave my heart open but it stays right here empty for days._ He punched another wall. His knuckles working their way through painted off white chipped walls, plaster crumbling to the dust covered wooden floor as he pulls his fist once more from the dark hallway wall. Numb to the pain to the blood and swelling around his knuckles. Looking down past his closed fist Merle looks at the mess he has made. He scuffs at it with one booted foot and imagines his heart down there among the mess. The pain in him is mounting with every step that he takes farther into the dwelling. Lifting a bottle up to his lips Merle takes another pull off of the whiskey. Comfortable burning sends his memories turning.

A picture forming in his mind, taking shape drifting closer to the surface out of the ashes where he has kept them hidden. They are demanding his attention, the images becoming clearer. Knees becoming weaker it didn't matter how tight Merle squeezed his eyes tightly shut. Didn't matter how hard he tried to will the image away, gone forgotten the image of her still moved forward. Clearer the image becomes the tighter the unseen hands reached out to tighten around his heart. The image starts out as a girl in the first grade she's smiling at him in a green field running his way with laughter on her lips. As she moves closer her face and body changes. She grows right in front of his eyes. From a pigtails little girl into the woman he still longs for today.

Allowing his feet to guide him Merle made his way stumbling through the dark hallway. He hadn't been here in over 10 years and his feet still knew the pathway. Images are appearing as if in a dream as he moves farther into the hallway, she materializes in doorways smiling up at him or leaning up against the wall a book clasped tightly with in her hands. He punches the wall as his head leans forward onto a door jam. Lifting his head he enters the room, the last place he had seen her, the place where she was his and he was hers, the same place he lost her. The room where she had stolen his heart without his consent, the room they had once shared everything in, become one in. A shiver ran over him from the top of his head down to his toes a cold sweat braking out over his body as he took a single step forward.

Their bodies laid there entwined. Two hearts beating fast as their sounds filled the room. She was looking down at him love filled her heart shining forth from her eyes. Merle could see it even now as he took another pull from that bottle and made his way over to the corner of the now empty room. The only woman who had ever cared for him loved him, left him. His need for a way to silence his demons had pushed her from his side. Merle knew it was over when had seen that look in her eyes. That pain filled hate full look of not being able to understand why, why couldn't she be the one to silence his demons. The questions that where right there on the tip of Carol's tongue that she needed waited to be answered. Questions that Merle knew about and had the answers to, but couldn't open up to in fear of messing up, because in truth she was his calm in the storm and he didn't want to chaise her away. She had been there all of his life after all and yet it still wasn't good enough for the hatred running around unchained in his blood.

Merle's eyes stung as he took another pull off that bottle now resting by his side. His heart ached why, why did it always have to hurt when he thought of her, when he missed her? Gods he had loved her, not that he understood what the word love truly meant but anytime that word was brought up his thoughts always ran in her direction. If only he hadn't been such a screw up maybe she would be here now. Maybe he would know what love was and how it felt. That morning after their first real body and soul connection she had told him that she didn't feel the same about him deep down in her bones, _seems to me that when I die, those words will be written on my stone, "Bones."_ _The ground beneath my feet is wide open, fucken swallowing me up, wish it would get the damn job over already. The way that I've been holding on too tight to these damn memories with nothin in between, maybe I'm nothen after all just like my ol' man always said. _

_I'm sorry Carol damn sorry woman, fuck I'm sorry, I didn't fucken know… _He bangs his head back against the wall, once, twice a third time hoping that the pain in his head will distract him from the pain that is suffocating him, the pain that is pulling and ripping at his chest. _The story of my life is, I fucked up, took you for granted. I took ya home, I drove all night to keep you warm and time... was frozen. I gave ya up I couldn't tell ya. I couldn't become the pansy ass pussy my ol' man always said I'd end up being. I needed you then, I need ya now..._

Feet moving slowly passed the entrance into the house into the hallway. Eyes not taking anything in, memories surrounded her all around. Dust clung to her skin every time she stopped resting against the wall trying to calm her fast gasping breaths. Written on these walls are the colors that I can't change. Carol entered the hallway. A hand running over walls lovingly, fingers finding wholes, wholes as empty as her heart felt. _ Leave my heart open but it stays right here in its cage._ She had been driving all night her mind and thoughts in turmoil this day all hours of the day he had been there in her thoughts. Silently beckoning to her to come back to the place she had last seen him, felt him. So she had come. Packed up a bag and followed the line connected to her heart that was tugging her home. She had packed a bag and drove for hours to reach this place this broken home out in the woods near the water's edge. A home that had never truly been a home, this place held so many memories for her that even now she was pushing back and down the pain that was causing her heart to pound in her chest. A smile, such a sweet lonely smile graced her lips as she fought back the pain and the tears that where on the verge of breaking her. _I know that in the morning now I'll see us in the light upon a hill. Our spot, our heaven out back past the woods past the eyes that can see and bring us harm. The one place where you and I could truly be free, Merle, are you still here? Although I am broken, my heart is untamed, still_._ And I'll be gone, gone by tonight. The fire beneath my feet is burning bright, the way that I've been holding on so tight. With nothing in between and everything in the way, here everything is frozen. _

Carol wondered the hall, one foot slowly in front of the other. Her feet where making their way close closer still to that room. Leaving small foot prints on the dust covered floor that if she where to look down she would catch a glimpse of print right beside hers. Carol was moving closer to the room, the room where she had seen the devastation in his eyes, Merle's eyes where love and pain where swimming on the surface. Closing her eyes shut against the pain Carol kept moving forward her fingers still gliding across the paint chipped walls. Taking a deep breath and holding onto it tightly the air burning with in her lungs demanding to be let out, Carol made her way quickly past the room. Down the hallway, feet leading her to the back door. She needed to no she had to get out the darkness. The memory of Merle's face kept swimming into the front of her mind. It was pulling her deep, deeper down into her pain.

Carol pushed the door open a loud squeak coming from the unoiled hinges and she forced her way outside. The cool air of twilight hitting her in the face, reminding her of the need to breathe as she opened her mouth to breathe in new air a sob left her lips. She took off running, out in to the yard where she took off not a care in the world as she was trying to put distance between herself and the pain that threatened to consume her whole. _The story of my life, he takes me home he drives all night to keep me warm but I'm cold. I'm missing his touch and time, time is frozen. _Carol runs out of the yard and into the wooded forest. Running past trees being hit in the face by the branches she stumbles as she trips over a bush. She keeps moving forward putting distance between herself and the house that has brought back so many memories. Between her and her pain a love for the man that had once been her world.

_That's why I could still feel his presence in those halls in the wholes made in the walls. Why I could still smell him and feel him lingering inside of that room. The story of my life that place once used to give me such hope. _ "Why Merle, why couldn't I silence your demons? Why couldn't yours dance beside mine?" Feeling a presence behind her as she comes to the end of the forest Carol runs to the edge of the cliff. Wanting to jump and feel the wind surround her carry her down into the waters waiting below her. But she can't not with his presence still lingering so close so she melts to the ground where she is surrounded by him. Carol falls to her knees. "I've been waiting for this time to come around but baby running after you is like chasin the clouds." The voice so close to her ear sends a shiver down her spine.

Merle knew, he felt her, he knew his senses where all fucked up coming back here. Back to his own personal fire filled grave, his hell. But when he smelt her felt her presence Merle knew he couldn't be wrong. How could he be wrong after seeing her with his own blood shot eyes after all of these years? She was there, his Carol, standing there in the doorway the sight of her hurrying past made his hear skip a beat, still. Carol, his Carol was here, she wouldn't get away from him this time, and he wouldn't let her.

"The story of my fucked up life goes like this, there was a gal meant the damn world to me, and she was my fucken rock growing up until I took her home. I drove all night beaten myself up. Heater blasted to keep her warm and no matter how damn much I want it to time, time isn't frozen." Merle kneels down behind her reaching out to touch her smell her pull her closer craving her near. Here she is his angel and yet he doesn't know if he can touch her, hold her, and dare he hope, love her?

"The story of my life she gives me hope. I spend her love. Until she's broken, until she's broken inside. It's the fucked up story of my life baby." Falling back onto his ass Merle gasps, as Carol's body turns and slams into his. Her arms sliding around his neck her body falling along his as her legs part and her knees end up on both sides of his hips. Merle's arms come around her pulling her down into his warmth as his head falls back and with a loud smack his body settles down onto the ground. Screw the pain that is blinding him all that matters to him in this moment is the small wisp of a woman in his arms. Arms that have been craving for her are even now pulling her closer. A chuckle leaves his lips as he breathes her deeper in.

Carol breaths him in, she always was one to act on impulse and damnit she has been waiting to touch him feel him, smell him for so many years now that she couldn't help but to tackle this man to the ground. Warmth and love encircles them. They lay there entwined as the sun starts to set and the sky begins to change colors. Lifting her head she looks down on him, meeting his gaze, and for once there is love shining there. Staring back at her, his spirit is calm his demons have melt away back from the surface and it leaves her wondering her blue eyes searching questioning as Merle searches her eyes he answers her unspoken questions. "Don't ya know woman, I've always fucken loved ya, not for the way ya can dance with my angels, but for the way ya can silence my demons."

Before Carol can respond his lips are on hers silencing her voice. And in that moment he sits up with her still wrapped securely in his arms and he pulls grasping for the shirt she is wearing he's tugging it up and over her head. The need to be skin to skin is too strong to ignore. The yearning and burning the pulling at each other's souls has their blood burning as Carol's small hands travel under his shirt removing it from his body freeing him from the constricting material. And while the sky changes above them to a brilliant burnt orange they free themselves from the rest of their constricting clothing. Their bodies merged as one as the sun sets becoming one with the water. Below them the sun and the moon meet in the water like two lovers yearning to be together, and his body joins up with hers perfectly aligned.

They spoke to each other through their connection of souls letting their bodies tell of their pain their hurt and their joy of finally being reunited. For the first time in his life he gave in, Merle allowed Carol into the parts of him only she could ever truly belong. With Carol holding him loving him as he brought both of their bodies to completion Merle finally gave in speaking of the love her had for this woman below him. He told her he claimed her, and Carol would be his from this moment forward, or Merle's life was complete when she reached up tangling her fingers into his hair and brought his head down to where his noise met hers and she whispered for his ears and his ears alone. "I love you too!"


End file.
